This has been thee most interesting introspective week in my life – My bro Willie ran by with his semi truck looking for work – seems the whole world is looking for work (digression forgive me) and he takes off on this existential diatribe that is summed up in “we are better when we realize they are lies, when we accept that the lies we thought were our persona are merely lies, then we can really live”. Willie been spending hours in the cab of his truck thinking about the lie he sold himself on who he was. I was knocked! I head up into the Wolf Mountains this morning. I head up to trout fish and 4wheel and see the Sundance grounds from last year.
I am alone with my silver Labrador Retriever Chloe. I talk to Chloe and tell her about where we are going and for a split second I realize that I am always alone. Not a feel sorry for yourself nobody likes me guess I will go eat worms (which I could have used some worms cause the fish were not liking my mimic minnow).
I am just comfortable being alone. Then I thought of Willie – I wondered what lies have I been telling myself to hit this wall? I guess, I am a loner. I love people, love stories, love telling stories – but when it comes down to social gatherings I am inept and use humor to cover. Existential: an individuals existence in an unfathomable universe and the plight of the individual as it relates to freewill. (loosely borrowed from Merriam Webster) So, the existential lie is our false identity waking from the lie and – owning ourselves. Peace…
A few weeks back, I lost my black Lab Mojo. It was his time and I gave him a good send off. Tears still well up in my eyes when I think of him. He was a good dog. Always patient with me and I realized through him that a dog can take a man’s anger and turn it into love. Mojo changed me.
I sat in my Toyota 4Runner wondering what to do without Mojo this summer. I am pretty much a loner and so I bought the 4Runner so Mojo would be comfortable – topless (the 4Runner not me !) and 4 wheel drive capable of trout pond roads and mountain trail exploring. I tried so hard to get this care-taking job so I would have an excuse to always be with my dog. Sitting in the 4Runner, I thought how pointless. I might as well pack up and head for Mongolia.
I prayed, (yes, even a reprobate prays). I really wanted a Lab. Opening up Craigslist, I typed in Lab in the “pets” section. Chloe looked out at me”. I thought “no” and hastily wrote a note to the owner telling her about the ranch, me, and included a joke about how my dog was treated better than most kids – traveled more, better health care, and well fed. I got a note back from the lady and she was interested! Sandi thought I might just be a great match for her Chloe. We chatted via e-mail and I knew with as beautiful a Lab as Chloe – she was getting 100’s of e-mails! I hoped!
Chloe is lying here in bed – she likes memory foam – as I type. Chloe is amazing. She is beautiful, attentive, obedient, and full of love and sweetness! I spent time telling her all about Mojo and she understood. She jumps up into my lap (all 80 pounds of her) and crushes me with Love!
I am again blessed !
Thank you Sandi!