Over the past weeks, I have seen the desperation of sorrow in those that love and those that choose a harsh stark reality. Clear to some, clinging to both and yet one is fleeting numbness – the other tangible caring let go Due to fear of loss. Choices, our life choices at times so brutally affect the ones that love us most. One word stands out…loyalty. For those of us left behind – there is but prayer and meditation. One – Om Mani Padme Hum…
A long strange trip it’s been! Spent my second night in my casita as Mike Weddle calls it! The peace of a home for the first time in my life.
I’m so very blessed here on the Crow Reservation to be surrounded by friends and family. Chloe and I spend time cruising the back roads and taking pictures – fishing and hunting – and working on horses to subsist. It is a simple life! I would not want it any other way! I have mornings for meditation and prayer.
My life is changing – spending more time alone. Something symbolic about my weekly commute to the Lookout Tower here in the Wolf Mountains.
I have never been concerned about my appearance. Born ugly, I embraced it and moved forward. I remember in 9th grade Kim Hobi said I had a bulbous nose…bulbous was a spelling word and she had to use it in a sentence.
Downtown Billings Montana, not too inbred but close…I park the old 1991 Ford f250 close to Lou Taubert Ranch Outfitters. Yes, most times I am driving the Mercedes Benz G but I was hauling stuff home so… I figured I would look at the Filson jackets while a friend
searched the racks for high end clothes. I am dressed in Cinch jeans, Keen boots, and a camo sweatshirt with my old Filson cause it is raining…
I walk in and the lady sniffed…okay I forgot to shave sue me…but I smell good! I go over to the Filson rack thinking wow, I want this down hunting vest. The sales lady sniffs…I figured some other customer farted so I paid her no mind.
My friend comes from the back of the store and we leave. Driving home, I reflected on the sales lady and how we all tend to judge based on clothes, vehicle, and appearance. But then I paused, I always wear either jeans or Carharts and hiking boots with t-shirts – Mercedes, Land Cruiser, or F250. I wondered if what I drive to town affects my way of acting? Or maybe someone did fart? Guess I’m just too comfortable in my own skin.
Every morning, I walk. I walk across a makeshift bridge cross Sunday Creek. Chloe dives in and swims the deep three foot crossing.
Crossing alfalfa fields, past an old abandon house, down to the Little Big Horn River to swim the dog.
Chloe loves her morning retrieve…
Chasing pheasant and turkeys on the way home, our morning walk ends petting the horse and finally hot coffee.
Chloe snuggles up under my old Filson coat – warming up on the buffalo hide.
“This is why I love living on the Crow Rez…it is still like when I was a boy…the Crow go hunt. go to Revival, they are still free…unencumbered by the yoke of material bondage…or as Gerry Spence says ” easy in the harness” while America allows the govt to swallow freedom for security…how ironic the Indians are still free”
I wrote this last week on Facebook – I often wonder why I have spent my life on the fringes of society. I guess I still need to be free!